Name: Dog poo wormeries.
Age: They’ve been around for a while, but thankfully you didn’t know about them. Until now.
Appearance: Like little Japanese tea houses full of dog mess and worms.
Why would I want something like that? Because, as a pet owner, you should be disposing of your dog’s waste responsibly.
I already do it responsibly: I collect the faeces in a bag, then I hang the bag from a tree. You don’t put it in the bin?
The bin is all the way over there! Actually, putting it in the bin is no longer enough. You should be composting your dog poo.
Hang on – are you suggesting I take the poo home with me? Yes.
And then what? Ben Dodd wants you to “consider using a wormery where the worms will feed off the bags and waste”, according to Pet Business World.
And who is Ben Dodd? He owns a company that makes biodegradable poo bags.
I’m sorry, but this is a lot to take in. Dodd is hoping to encourage councils to provide separate composting bins for dog waste. In the meantime, you need to get your wormery set up.
How much is this going to cost? From £70 for a modest pitch-roofed model, up to £180 for a mammoth 240-litre worm hotel. Or you could make your own.
I had a wormery once, until the worms all died. Then I tried to throw it away, but the bin men thought it was a bin. This is the same principle, except it’s dedicated to dog waste. The worms will thrive on it and you will end up with a rich compost that you can’t put on any vegetable or fruit plants because the microcrobes and parasites it contains might make you very ill.
So what’s it for? Flower beds, non-fruit trees – any plant you aren’t going to eat.
That’s fine, as long as I’m able to sleep at night while thinking about worms eating poo in a bin out back. That’s the price of being a responsible, environmentally friendly dog owner.
I’m not sure I ever aspired to that. If I’m taking the poo home, can’t I just flush it down the loo? No. Sewage treatment facilities cannot cope with the toxicity of pet waste.
And it won’t just decompose hanging in the tree in the park? No. Order your worms today.
Do say: “That? It’s a beehive. No, the bees aren’t home.”
Don’t say: “I’ve managed to streamline the whole process – the worms are already in the dog.”